So this part is about work life in terms of employers and promotions, etc. This one is probably going to be the longest because of the nuances I may need to explain. There may be a 4th post on ‘work life’ but for now, this is it.
I will preface this that no employer is perfect, especially in communication of things between departments and employees. Mine is certainly no different so this may be more of that problem than anything to do with me but because I have no way of proving it other than to ask directly. Doing just that is something that terrifies me because if I am wrong, then I seem paranoid and it looks bad on me.
My job is not a terribly difficult one but it does require knowledge enough of an industry that is not super common in terms of job descriptions. I have to have some mechanical knowledge and the ability to think resourcefully. Our particular location is unique even within the industry because of the type of clientele we serve. If we were in a larger market area, there would likely be more than one person doing my job due to the volume. But our area is much smaller in terms of servicing. It is growing because of the products becoming a bit more available to more people, but still, I essentially am the only person doing my particular job within the 5 state area. The next location that would have a position for my exact job what I do now for the products we serve is about 400 miles away. I could do this same job for another company locally that sells the same product, just a different brand or manufacturer. However this position is not easy to come by, even with other brands.
That said, I also have a background in self-employment, as well as retail management and a few other industries that are different but the skills transfer to most other positions. At least in my opinion, and my husband’s, I have a very good diverse background that should show all kinds of experience in varied areas.
Yet, so far the few times I was told, and in one case promised, to have tasks added to my position/job description (as kind of a semi-promotion), or told that a certain task needed to be done but the details are not finalized, it never comes to fruition. The one occasion that something was promised, I was told I would get a raise in compensation and everything.
But then a little time went by, I waited to be told what needed to happen and when, and to be shown how to use certain databases/software systems that we use for this task. I asked about it periodically but I always got some non-committal answer. Then one day I was introduced to a new person whose title and job description was exactly that of what I was told I was going to be doing.
That hurt and that was like a kick in the gut to me. I almost quit that day as my instinctive reaction would have been. Had I not needed the income, I probably would have. I do know I started looking for other jobs elsewhere. I didn’t find much at the time so I let myself calm down and try to think about the situation rationally and let it play out. The industry I am in always has changes to positions and often we have to do multiple types of things, especially being a smaller location, often we double up on tasks to help keep overhead costs down. Other times it is just easier and less chaos to have one specific person doing the task.
Fast forward a year later and it seems that hiring someone vs having me do the task was the better choice. Now that we are increasing our client base, I am finding myself with more than enough work to get through. If I had this added task now, I think things would be overwhelming. Still, why wasn’t I just told this instead of being promised something, and then be introduced to the person who was going to be doing what I was waiting to do?
Then there are things like helping other people or being able to learn other positions that I don’t know whether I am being intentionally prevented from this or there really is no other opportunity to do so within my location. I can’t tell and yet I have expressed interest in helping with things like organizing the events we have and other tasks that are not related to my current position but I have a lot of experience in. In fact, my actual tech school degree is related to that. Yet they never actually take me up on it, other than a few minor tasks that they realize (a little late in the game) they need help with. I am willing to step up to the plate. But I never get that call.
So… that whole situation leads me to that emotionally beating myself up over something that I have no clear answer on. Do they think I cannot handle it? Have I shown in some way, the inability or the experience to handle it? I want to learn another position but all I get when I have expressed interest is lip service and what feels like lame excuses as to why they don’t want me in that position. This is my suspicious nature coming out because I have had people lie to me like this because they think they are sparing my feelings. So I suspect this out of everyone who gives me reasons that seem less than honest, even if those reasons are the real ones. Even with people who have never given me a reason to distrust them, I still do this.
Some may read this and think, damn, she is full of herself, she must not be as qualified as she thinks she is. Or, some may read this and think her employer isn’t a very good one, and if she isn’t happy, she should look elsewhere.
Believe me, I have already run both those scenarios in my head. And I beat myself up on it daily. Am I really not good enough? Do I have an over-inflated sense of ability? Is my personality wrong in their eyes? Why won’t they just give me a chance?
I am not really unhappy with where I am working and I can name more good over negative things. Especially with the flexibility of my schedule and ability to come and go as I decide. The benefits are good. Pay is… less than I could be making with my background. Despite my general apprehensiveness about socializing with my coworkers and what I described before in the previous post, my day-to-day working life with my coworkers is generally pleasant and I have nothing to complain about in that aspect. Almost all the things that bother me are mostly on the social level and the not being included or even told about certain things that would be nice to know about just to make sure I don’t embarrass myself over it. If I could give details about situations without giving away where I work and what I do, I would. It would make this easier to explain but then would entirely give away where I work and by process of elimination, you could probably figure out who I am specifically. I just don’t want to risk it.
Only recently I somewhat found out, in a roundabout way, that the lack of communication and things changing with no notice isn’t just in my head. One of my coworkers works directly with one of the decision-making managers(who also does some of the hiring and job role adjusting) One of the things she vented about last week was the issue of this manager’s lack of making a full decision and sticking with it because he changes his mind on things midway and then she ends with a bunch of half-finished tasks that she is waiting for him to make up his mind on, because she knows if she goes with what he says at the time, he will want something different by the time that one comes in or plays out and then it will be too late to make the change. So not everything going on within our place is in my head or unfounded paranoia about not being good enough, etc. But not fun to spend the last year or so feeling crappy about myself, even doing my best to improve my work habits and skills, etc only out of not knowing what else to do without looking for a different job.
I do apologize if some or all of I wrote above is not completely clear. If anyone has any questions for me, I certainly welcome them and will do my best to explain better on anything I write here or other posts.